Hello hello my loves! In today’s post I wanted to chat about the power of detachment and how we can stop letting external factors control our inner peace.
I wanted to start off by helping you to understand detachment in general.
Detachment is the ability to separate ourself emotionally and mentally from situations, outcomes, and things that happen externally.
Detachment is not about being indifferent or emotionally numb. It’s about having a sense of inner peace regardless of what is happening in your world externally. It is recognising that while we can’t control everything around us, we can control our internal world which is our reactions and perceptions.
Healthy detachment means you care, but you don’t let your happiness or peace of mind depend on the external. For example, you may work hard on a project and want it to succeed, but if it doesn’t go as planned, you don't let it devastate you. Yes, it was crap and you feel that for a moment, but it doesn’t ruin your day. Healthy detachment also means you can love and support someone while still maintaining your own boundaries and emotional well-being.
Whereas unhealthy detachment implies a lack of interest, care, or concern, which can lead to disengagement and apathy. This would usually happen because we want to protect ourself from potential pain or disappointment, but it also results in a lack of genuine connection and engagement with life.
There are a few big benefits to pracitising detachment:
The first is mental clarity. By detaching from external outcomes, you’re able to free up mental space and reduce metal clutter, which leads to clearer thinking and better decision-making.
The second is emotional stability. By practicing detachment, you become less reactive to external events. This emotional stability means fewer mood swings, reduced anxiety, and a more balanced emotional state.
The third is inner peace. Detaching from external factors allows you to have a calm and centred mind, which improves our overall wellbeing.
The fourth is improved relationships. When we practise healthy detachment, you are able to support and care for others without losing yourself. It helps you to maintain healthy boundaries and avoid co-dependency, which ultimately leads to more balanced and fulfilling relationships.
And the fifth and final benefit I’ll mention today is the impact on our personal growth. Practicing detachment encourages self-reflection and personal growth. It allows you to step back and evaluate your actions, motivations, and goals more objectively.
In a world where things often feel fast-paced and stressful, practising detachment is so, so, so important for maintaining our emotional and mental health. It’s going to allow us to navigate through crappy time’s with ease, which is what we want. And remember, detachment doesn’t mean avoiding responsibilities or relationships or emotions, it means approaching them from a place of self-awareness, clarity and strength.
Some of this stuff I’ll touch on again later in the blog post, but thought it was good to give at this point of the blog too. Let’s talk about the psychology behind detachment, we will find a bit more insight into the magical power of detachment.
Detachment plays a really important role in emotional regulation, remember this is the ability to manage and respond to emotional experiences in a healthy and balanced way. When you practice detachment, you create a psychological buffer that helps you to respond rather than react to emotional triggers. This means that instead of being swept away by strong emotions like anger, fear, or sadness, you can notice these emotions, understand where they have come from, and choose a more appropriate and healthy response.
Detachment involves a cognitive process known as reframing. Cognitive reframing is the practice of changing the way you perceive a situation so we can alter its emotional impact. For example, if you face a setback, instead of seeing it as a failure, you might reframe it as a learning opportunity. Detachment helps in this process by providing the mental distance needed to view situations more objectively and to reinterpret them in a way that reduces emotional distress.
Detachment is closely linked to mindfulness, which allows us to be fully present and engaged in the current moment without judgment. Mindfulness helps you to observe your thoughts and feelings without becoming caught up in them. Through mindfulness, you can develop a detached awareness, allowing you to experience emotions and thoughts without being overwhelmed by them. This present-moment awareness is a key component of psychological detachment, as it emphasizes observing rather than identifying with your internal experiences.
Psychologically, detachment involves understanding the role of the ego in shaping your identity and experiences. The ego is the part of the mind that constructs a sense of self based on attachments to beliefs, desires, and fears. When you are overly attached to these aspects, your sense of self becomes fragile and reactive. Detachment helps to loosen the grip of the ego by fostering a more fluid and adaptable sense of identity. This means you are less likely to be thrown off balance by changes or challenges because your sense of self is not rigidly tied to specific outcomes or external validation.
The brain's ability to change and adapt, known as neuroplasticity, is grown through the practice of detachment. By consistently practicing detachment, you can rewire neural pathways to respond to stress and emotional challenges in more resilient ways. This neuroplasticity supports mental flexibility and adaptability, making it easier to cope with life's ups and downs. Over time, detachment can lead to lasting changes in how you process and respond to emotions, resulting in a more stable and balanced psychological state.
Guys, detachment has hugeee implications for stress reduction and overall mental health. When you are not overly attached to specific outcomes or external validations, you experience less anxiety and stress. This is because detachment helps to reduce the pressure and expectations you place on yourself and others. Lower stress levels contribute to better mental health, reducing the risk of conditions like anxiety disorders and depression.
As always, I don’t want to leave a blog without giving you guys the steps and practises too.
There are 5 strategies I wanted to share with you, and then I’ll share some tips and specific exercises after.
The first strategy is doing mindfulness practises and meditations. You know I love them, honestly, at this point, it’s all I should recommend because it benefits everything haha. Mindfulness meditation involves focusing on the present moment and observing your thoughts and feelings without judgment. This practice helps you develop a non-reactive awareness, which is important for detachment. If you regularly practice mindfulness, you can create a mental space between your experiences and your reactions, allowing you to respond more thoughtfully rather than impulsively.
The second strategy is cognitive reframing. This is one of the most common CBT techniques and something I use with clients often. Cognitive reframing is a technique used to change the way you interpret situations. We can do it by identifying and challenging negative thought patterns and replacing them with more balanced, positive and objective perspectives. By reframing your thoughts, you can reduce the emotional intensity of whatever is happening and gain a more detached, constructive outlook on challenges.
The third strategy is letting go of control. This is something I’m still bloody learning how to do but that’s okay, we’re all on our individual journeys haha. We, including me, need to accept that we cannot control everything. This is a key part of detachment. Focus on what you can control—your actions, your responses, and your attitudes—while then letting go of the need to control external events or other people. This shift in focus helps reduce anxiety and stress.
The fourth strategy is to set boundaries. Another goodie I love. Setting healthy boundaries is crucial for detachment. This means knowing your limits and clearly communicating them to others. Boundaries protect your mental and emotional well-being. It allows you to ensure that you are not overextended or taken advantage of. They also help you maintain a sense of self separate from the demands and expectations of others.
The fifth and final strategy is developing emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence involves being aware of your emotions, understanding their impact, and managing them effectively. By growing your emotional intelligence, you can recognise when you are becoming overly attached to a situation or outcome and take steps to detach and regain perspective.
Okay and now, the practical tips and exercises you can do! Let’s gooo.
The first exercise is creating a daily mindfulness practise. I have a few ideas on this.
Option A. Doing deep breathing. Set aside 10-15 minutes each day to sit quietly and focus on your breath. Breathing in deeply down into your belly, holding for a few moments and then out through your mouth. Pay attention to any thoughts or feelings that arise without judgment, letting them come and go.
Option B. You can visualise. Imagine a situation where you feel emotionally entangled. Visualise yourself stepping back and observing the situation from a distance, as if you were watching a movie and notice how this perspective changes your emotional response internally.
Option C. You can do body scan meditations. Lie down or sit comfortably. Slowly bring your attention to each part of your body, starting from your toes and moving up to your head. Notice any tension or discomfort and consciously release it.
Option D. You can do mantras or affirmations. Choose a mantra that resonates with the concept of detachment, it could be "Let go and let be" or "I release what I cannot control." Repeat this mantra during meditation or whenever you feel stressed.
The second exercise is to journal. Spend a few minutes each day writing about your thoughts and emotions. Reflect on any areas where you feel overly attached and explore what other perspectives there may be. You can also do gratitude journalling. At the end of each day, write down three things you are grateful for. Focus on appreciating these aspects without clinging to them.
The third exercise is to do something creative. Dedicate time to a creative hobby that you love to do or have always wanted to do, it could be as painting, writing, or playing music. Focus on the process of the activity rather than the outcome.
And the fourth exercise or tip is to get professional support. Consider working with a therapist or coach who specialises in mindfulness and detachment practices, for example me haha. They can provide you with personalised guidance and support.
I want to leave you with three questions to keep in mind when considering and identifying your attachment patterns. What am I holding onto tightly? Why am I holding onto this so tightly? And How does this attachment impact my emotions and behaviours? Awareness is always the first step, so start with these three questions and go into any of the other practises and strategies I’ve mentioned today.
I hope you found this helpful and found some insight into the power of detachment. If you would like to go deeper on your healing journey, I would love to invite you to work with me. My books are open to new clients and I would love to hear from you, all of the links are in the bio.
With love & support,
Shorina | Mindful Soul Collective
Counsellor & Wellbeing Coach
Comments